Following Another Heartbeat
by moonswirl
Summary: Gleekathon, day seven hundred and forty-one: She's beginning to understand something new, and it scares her.


_Started my daily ficlets to make the hiatus pass, then decided to keep going with a 2nd cycle, and then a 3rd, 4th, etc through 35th cycle. Now cycle 36!_

* * *

><p><em>Had the idea for this cycle back in July or August where I thought it'd be interesting to do <strong>a set inspired by tarot cards<strong>. My initial research then directed me to the cards of **the Major Arcana**, of which there were 22, so I combined two, which got me to 21, making this a cycle-long set of stories. Then I did more research, to find out about each of those cards, and what they can represent. Now I need to point out that it's a more or less basic approach. I don't go into the reverse meaning or other things, just this part.** ** If you would like the document of info I've collected and based myself on, let me know and I'll send it, since it covers the next three weeks' worth of stories. **** Lastly, in connection to the first card, **'The Fool'**, and the journey through those other cards, this entire cycle will feature, in lead or supporting form, one **Brittany S. Pierce**..._

* * *

><p><strong>"Following Another Heartbeat"<br>or 'The Lovers'  
>Brittany, Brittana <strong>

Her mother always told her fear was a good thing, that she should use it… She didn't know how on earth she was supposed to use it in this case. Another advice had come from her grandfather, to learn from her experiences. This didn't always work out, but then there were other times…

Her and Artie, they had a good thing together, even if some didn't see it. There was something different about it, and it took her a while to figure it out, but then she got it… feelings… They talked about them, kind of knew where they stood… She liked that, but it got her thinking about something else, someone else. She had a good thing with Santana, too, a different thing. And now she had to wonder what would happen if she combined the two – which wasn't to say a threesome… though at some drunken point during Rachel's basement party the thought had crossed her mind.

But no, the thing she wondered was what would happen if she and Santana opened the door to this conversation, if they could come out on the other side and get to be… better. It might make it sound like what they had was bad, but it wasn't… so wasn't… That was what made it matter.

She wanted so much more with her. She knew there were issues, the first of which being that she was with Artie, and for all she felt, she wasn't going to hurt him this way… he didn't deserve that. But at the same time, there was Santana…

Santana who wouldn't talk about feelings, Santana who dictated what they did and didn't do, Santana who was both the person she knew the most and the person she could still learn so much about…

Brittany didn't have all the knowledge – about this and a lot of things – didn't have it because she didn't ask, but didn't ask because she knew the answer she'd get… dismissal, change of subject, or worse. And in all this, the fear that she couldn't shake started right there, right where the response she hoped to get and the one she expected to get just up and went roughhouse at one another. Would she listen to her, be responsive even… or would she shrug her off, move on?

But she'd never really put this question to her before, not the way she intended to now, calmly, rationally… For all she knew, they would be alright, but… No matter what, deep down she knew, after she asked, there would be no going back. It would always be there. Santana would remember it, and she'd remember it… and then…

If she closed her eyes, she could see it… the two of them… She had imagination, sure, but when it came to 'real' things, it was always harder. Nothing ever went the way she thought it would. But she could see her and Santana, she really could, always. She knew it could be for real, and so there was only one thing to do: she had to talk to her.

Going into her bedroom that afternoon, sitting there, she spent a fair amount of time just sitting, staring, silent… She hadn't thought too much of what to say, because if she was too prepared then she would forget something and panic, and… no… Even then, she was just trying not to panic as she worked toward saying… something… anything. All she had to do was to remember what it was for though, remember that it was her heart's greatest desire at that moment, remember her vision…

So she had spoken her words, and she'd kept to them, not afraid… and they had made progress. Santana had agreed to go and talk to someone together. Already, Brittany was relieved, wanted to carry on. They had ended up going to Miss Holiday. She could tell Santana was uncomfortable, but already the fact that she was there despite that was a good sign. And then Glee Club…

Brittany had sung along with them, just barely; Santana had carried it, and Brittany was just mesmerized with her. She didn't need the words, though she heard them; it was all in her eyes, every last bit of it… those feelings… She had them, and they weighed heavy on her, pained her… released her… Then she'd come and embraced her, and Brittany felt the lightest of tremors in her before… She pulled away. They had to talk, always had to talk… The doors closed again and Santana was gone.

Now she was the one with the heavy heart… She had unlocked those unspoken feelings, let them seep out, show their colors, and then she found herself with a choice she couldn't make, again… The boy she was with, deep down did love… and the girl she was more sure every day to be in love with, too… and she couldn't have both, she was seeing now… Sure, she was with Artie, and she was with Santana too because it didn't count as cheating – the plumbing was different – but now that she'd opened the door on feelings, it wasn't enough anymore, and Santana was asking her to choose. It didn't change that he would get hurt for no reason though, didn't change that she couldn't do that to him…

And then she was alone…

Was this it? Was this the thing she'd been afraid of all along? She'd just gotten lulled into a false sense of security, and now they were coming back to take Santana away from her after all, almost would have done it but let her believe she could keep her? Was the world that cruel? No, no, it couldn't… She'd just let her calm down, and then they'd be back, back like before, making progress…

She couldn't ignore something else though… She'd promised her that they'd be together, if she and Artie broke up, and Santana was still single… Did she envision them breaking up? Did that mean she wanted it? Was that what she was supposed to hold on to? The fear?

THE END

* * *

><p><strong>AN: This is a one-shot ficlet, which means that signing up for story alert will not bring you any alerts.  
><strong>**In the event of a sequel, the story will be separate from this one. And as chapter stories go, they are  
><strong>******always clearly indicated as such [ex: "Days 204-210" in the summary] Thank you!******


End file.
